Look, raising a 12 year old smart mouth boy is not easy! Going through a separation with kids is never easy and the older they are during the process doesn't help. To this day he is blessed to have all the teeth that he does. Not to say at times I have not been tempted to remove a few if he doesn't stop calling me BRUH! From waking him up in the morning to keeping him fed, its a never ending task. When his father and I split it took me a long time to find a healthy balance of discipline. Honestly his dad was more of the disciplinary and I was the homemaker and "I'm going to tell your father when he gets home". I wanted his respect but at the same time I wanted him to be happy all the time and help cushion the big life change. He hit 11 and it was like a punch in the gut. He stopped saying I love you back, Mom was not cool, and just breathing in public seemed embarrassing. Connor has always excelled in sports. With travel baseball we have traveled to Cooperstown and all over North and South Carolina. He was comfortable in his strengths and his weaknesses.
He went into middle school this fall and it has been yet another adjustment for us both. He came home with this notion to wrestle. This mom knows nothing and from what he said nor did he. I went and purchased all his needs, shoes, mouthpiece, cup and he was set. Now, Connor is 145 lbs at 12 years old. I had to prepare myself he wasn't going to be wrestling little boys. More like 8th graders. Very first match he is standing there in this one piece singlet thing looking like a lost puppy. I could see the fear on his face. My mama heart wanted to take him a snack and a hug. He was last. Standing there in the middle of the gym, against a complete stranger he was pinned 1, 2, 3. He held back his tears, at that moment he was ready to quit. I came to his match even when I knew that he was going to lose. At the end of one match he asked me "Mom, why do you come and watch when you know i am going to lose?" my heart sank..."Son, it's not about whether you win or lose. I am here to support you because you are my son!"
I wanted to take his pain away. There are so many times in our life when we question why God sticks around. How can you still love me? I feel like a failure, and unworthy of your love. Friend, I am here to say God's love is not conditional. He doesn't love you based off of what you have done, or better yet what your going to do. He already knows your gonna mess up and he is going to watch you do it. At that moment when you come to the end of yourself...there he is waiting.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Trust him. He is the one constant you will always have. I know
Love to you all
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