Walking in the door at 7:30 pm, I drop the groceries on the counter. Kids come in behind me slinging off their shoes, dropping book bags and immediately crying "I'm hungry". At this point I haven not taken my first deep breath. That morning I was up at 3:30 am. Didn't sleep well. I was running on E. I got the kids up at 6:30 am, got everyone dressed and to school, dropping my last one off at 7:30. Coming back home to get my self ready for work. I was out the door by 8:30 to make it on time by 9. This year I wanted to make more time for prayer. I decided instead of jamming out in the car, I would spend that time talking with the Lord. So, here I am riding down the road asking the Lord to prepare the path before me. My morning may have been rough, I may be physically weak, and I may feel discouraged but I wanted to brighten someones day. Making it through my work day, and hit 5 oclock traffic. Grab my kids from after school. run by grocery store and head home.
Standing in the kitchen, I start mixing my stew so that it can start cooking and I can get out of these heels. The kids come into the kitchen for the 10th time asking when dinner will be ready. I snap. Cooper says "Mom, all you do is yell at us!" I stood there. Looking at him, I wanted to break down and cry. In my mind i am asking myself "Do I?" I didn't want to walk around pointing my finger and yelling. Their shoes were everywhere, Connor's music was blaring, cooper was shooting Nerf guns at his head and Alex was dancing around with not a care in the world. At that very moment I wanted to yell. I did...but I walked into my room shut the door the change. Not 2 minutes after shutting the door, mid clothes change, the door flies open. The two youngest come running in "Mom! Mom! Shes hitting me! He's hitting me!"I yelled, I did. I yelled asking them "Can you not give me a few minutes alone?" Alex turns to Coop, "Come on Coop mom doesn't want us in here."
There are times that you can feel so alone, even when your not. When you feel like everywhere you turn at that very moment is wrong. This moment right here is when God meets you right where you are with your head hung. He lifts up your face and says child, my child. Your not perfect, you wont be. When you can't go anymore I will carry you.
Psalm 121 1. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
I got myself together. I finished dinner. Fed my babies, and got them in bed.
He is the air I breathe, the song I sing and the joy in my heart. I know being a single mom is not easy. It can take its toll and someday's you want to throw in the towel. I encourage you
to keep going even when you want to stop. Don't get discouraged it is often the last key that opens the lock.
This necklace was given to me. It actually used to be in the form of a key. One of my children broke it. I was upset (imagine that) but i still keep it and wear it. It symbolizes the fact that i can't be complete with out him. I can turn the key, and try to make my own plans, but with out him it will never work the way it should. I keep the top part knowing he makes it whole. I will never be a perfect mother nor will you. Trust him today. We will be tired imperfect people together. Love to you all.
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