A Place
There is this place that your mind wants to wander to when your hurting. This sacred place, and because you have been there before it's almost like home. I think sometimes it would so much easier just to turn off your mind, but where is that button?
I lay awake at night wondering why I am alone. What have I done that makes me so unlovable? Or is this the issue? It may be the fact that I give myself away...to people who don't deserve me. Who have not even made efforts to add to my life in anyway. Who have made broken promises, and because the longing to feel wanted, sometimes outweighs the desire to just for awhile, I entertain it. I entertain the I loves you's, the I’ll be there's, the just let me, the let me help you and in the end your face down alone. Left by those who promised you the world.
See, I don't make promises I can’t keep because I know just how bad sitting and waiting for that phone call hurts. How bad that missed date, How bad the attention doesn’t get returned. Today's society teaches us that you can always have better, use and run. Tell them what they want to hear, doesn’t matter how they feel.
What are feelings anyway? People numb their feelings with sex, drugs, and alcohol and never stop for one minute to take into account the pain you put someone through, who believed you. To satisfy our fleshly wants and needs we forget for awhile that none of that will ever make us happy. Its a gaping hole of endless motions. Repetitive over and over again, that will just for a minute satisfy the longing to be wanted and loved by someone.
When in fact the one who loves us the absolute most is longing for his child to lift their head and just for a moment acknowledge him. I know this love, I know the peace, joy, hope and most of all the hole..how he fills it. We drift away when our eye catches the shiny and we get distracted with this world. Next thing we know, here we are asking ourselves how did we get here...so far away from him. Walking in circles like puppets. God did not create puppets nor did he create us to live in such a way. God gives us this promise in John 14:3 that says And I go and prepare A PLACE for you, I will come back and take you to be with me and that you also may be where i am. What hope! What peace! Knowing that his promises are true, you will never be left wondering if you are loved and how much. I am where I am today and I fight through all I do with him as my strength.
I wrote this about 2 years ago in my journal. I wanted to share because I know there are others who struggle with loneliness.
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